Catholic Phoenix


Catholic University Invites Satan to Give Commencement Speech

May 5, 2012

In a move already denounced by Catholic bishops & other leading religious conservatives, St. Sincerus University, the nation’s 84th largest Catholic university, has invited Satan to deliver its commencement speech later this month. Also known as the Prince of Darkness, Lucifer, &, more popularly, the Devil, Satan is a divisive figure among Catholics & other Christians. Several Catholic universities have upset religious conservatives in recent years by inviting controversial figures to deliver commencement speeches, as when the University of Notre Dame, the nation's largest Catholic University, invited President Barack Obama, who supports a woman's right to abortion, in 2009. The invitation to Satan by SSU president Fr. Thad Despereaux comes at a time when many Catholics are highly critical of the Obama administration’s attempts to reform health care, which some claim would force Catholic institutions to violate their Church’s teachings by providing contraceptives as part of their health insurance plans. Fr. Despereaux, in comments made to the Daily Sham, SSU’s student newspaper, said that having Satan on campus gives bold witness to a central Catholic principle that God can be found in all things. “The continuing politicization of the faith indicates just how important it is for us to build bridges,” Fr. Despereaux said. “Our whole mission as a university is to bring people together. Satan is badly misunderstood by many people, & we hope to show our graduates that stereotypes, & the hatred they engender, have no place on a Catholic campus. As Catholics we are to hate hate.”

On-campus reactions at SSU have been favorable, as faculty & students alike have applauded the university’s open-mindedness in issuing the invitation. Dr. Sophia Greengrass, Director of the university’s Wiccan Institute, called the invitation a brave attempt to promote the university’s academic integrity in the face of “fascist attempts by the male hierarchy to impose its limited & limiting dogmas,” while Declan Spencer, a Religious Studies major studying the mythical underpinnings of religious language, said he hoped to meet Satan & thank him for his contributions to world culture.  Some faculty, however, have questioned the wisdom of the invitation. “Satan doesn’t actually exist,” said Fr. Eddie Cheever, Professor of Early Christian Literature, “so it will be interesting to hear what he says. Or doesn’t say.” And Professor David Evans, known for his support of traditional Church teachings, said the invitation further reflects the administration’s attempts to distance itself from the Church.  “It does make sense, given the administration’s recent policies,” he said, noting Fr. Despereaux’s endorsement of Phallic Fridays, in which students erect large phallic sculptures around the SSU chapel, cover them with latex, & ironically sing hymns to the fertility god Priapus, as well as the popular Religion-less Lent, instituted last year, in which Catholic students were urged to give up prayer & mass attendance during Lent.

As of this afternoon, Satan has not publicly responded to the invitation, though Prof. Evans suggested that since he is already quite at home at SSU, there is little doubt that he will accept.

Coming soon: The commencement speech by Satan at St. Sincerus. He'll be giving it on Saturday afternoon, May 12; we'll post it later that night.

34 comments | Add one of your own.

  1. Pingback: Would it Be Such a Big Leap From Inviting Sebelius? | The American Catholic

  2. Pingback: Jesuit college invites Satan to speak at commencement

  3. Lee

    I don’t get it. Is this a joke. The screw tape letters? I’m confused. Could someone please explain this?


    1. Jonathan

      It’s a satire of all of the devil’s henchmen that are invited to Jesuit and other Catholic higher education institutions. Barack Obama to Notre Dame, notably, though since then there have been many, many others. Practically every group contrary to Catholic Church teachings has been represented for endless, pandering dialogue which is little else than apostates surrendering the last dredges of their Catholic identity in order to bend over backward to capitulate to evil.


  4. Jerry Kelley

    Tony – leave satire to the funny people. This is about a painful to read as it gets. No wonder readers are having troubling figuring out whether it’s satire or just nonsense.


  5. Becky

    “…having Satan on campus gives bold witness to a central Catholic principle that God can be found in all things.”

    “…Satan is badly misunderstood by many people, & we hope to show our graduates that stereotypes, & the hatred they engender, have no place on a Catholic campus.”

    “…Satan doesn’t actually exist, so it will be interesting to hear what he says. Or doesn’t say.”

    My boys attend a Jesuit high school. This is spot-on. The first quote could have come from our Drama Teacher, the second quote could have come from our Principal, and the third quote could have come from our Theology Teacher.

    I thought it was all hilarious, and helpful. If we didn’t laugh, we would be crying.


  6. AgentP

    I was more excited when I thought this referred to the *real* Satan. Where can I hear him speak?


    1. Tony


      Do you really have to ask? What’s the “P” stand for, by the way? I like it. And are you really an agent?


  7. Jadie

    At least Satan is openly evil, whereas his minions attempt to cloak themselves in religion. Just the other day I heard one of them quote Luke 12:48.


  8. Pingback: Satire: Catholic College Invites Satan as Commencement Speaker « Campus Notes

  9. Nancy D.

    It is important to note that when President Obama, who does not respect Christ’s teaching on the Sanctity of every Human Life and The Sanctity of Marriage and The Family, was invited to Notre Dame, Father Jenkins made it clear that the University of Notre Dame does respect The Word of God.

    God, Who has been known to work in mysterious ways, did not hesitate to use the invitation to President Obama as a learning tool, for History will show , as the veil is being lifted, that which was somewhat hidden, has now been fully exposed – the large number who, while remaining in His Church physically, have left His Church spiritually. (Not to mention, for the record, we have President Obama’s speech, claiming he plans to respect The Church’s Teaching with a conscience clause.


  10. ClassicalTeacher

    Folks, the Prince of Darkness (aka “Lucifer”) has been alive, well and dwelling in many catholic colleges and universities for sometime now…


    1. Conan the Barbarian

      He has been entroned in the Vatican in 1962 …

      So, I am pretty sure that ALL the Popes since 1962 are anti-Christs.

      But, THE anti-Christ still has to rule in Jerusalem as long awaited Messiah for his sect-members ruling Israel (you can check all this on Google).


  11. Hoo Nu

    Anyone who did not understand from the get-go that this was satire clearly attended one of those weak kneed, lily-livered, pseudo Catholic schools that it addresses.
    - Beelzebub


  12. Pingback: The Thinking Housewife › Catholic University Invites Satan to Give Commencement Address

  13. Joe

    I attented a supposedly Catholic college in New York City in the early 90′s. It was a communist propaganda factory. It was disgusting.
    I left after 2 1/2 years because I just didn’t want their diploma.
    I stopped going to novus ordo churches at the same time I left college.
    I planted a beautiful garden in my backyard and that is where I go to pray. My garden, dedicated to Christ on the night he was betrayed, is now my church and my chapel. It’s where I keep vigil and stand guard.
    A prayer emanates from my heart that His Light will guide us through all the confusion of our times.


  14. Nick Serre

    I boldly state that I hate satan with every good fiber that lies withing my being that not of my own but of GOD. I hate him with perfect hatred and every evil that spews out of him. For this purpose was the son of God manifest ..that He might destroy the works of the devil. I bear no sympathy for the devil nor for his deception and lies he whipsers in our ears. He has played us like puppets for years and destroyed our lives. YES, we are responsible for being dumb enough to succomb to his temptations but the line has been drawn. Satan bears the title of adversary for a reason. There is nothing to be desired of this fallen being. Adam surrendered his God given dominion to satan when he rebelled against God. Jesus the Christ now holds the keys of death and of hell and through Him we have absolute 100% victory over death hell and the grave and satan himself and ALL his entities. Luk 10:19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. JESUS IS LORD!


  15. Stunned

    Whew… its unreal that a so called ” Catholic university” will actually invite the devil to speak.
    In my opinion this is not a catholic university. Just in name only. Kinda like the term cafeateria catholic. You either are catholic or not… unreal.
    I am sure true catholics and christians very well know that one doesn’t invite an unclean spirit into their abode. And they also know what the ramifications are when one does.
    St Michael the archangel defend us in our day of battle.


  16. Pingback: Satan to deliver validictory address at Catholic College « Week In Review

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  18. Eleonore

    Poor Father Despereaux must be desperate for attention. Is he still going through adolescence? What a ridiculous ploy. I would pull my kid out of that place before you can say “satan.”


  19. Christian Here

    Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!
    Which justify the wicked for reward, and take away the righteousness of the righteous from him! Therefore as the fire devoureth the stubble, and the flame consumeth the chaff, [so] their root shall be as rottenness, and their blossom shall go up as dust: because they have cast away the law of the LORD of hosts, and despised the word of the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 5: 20,21, 23,24.
    Come on students, think for yourselves. This is not funny. Take a stand against this college President of yours and have no part with him. Remember fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom!!!!! Jesus Christ Is Lord!!!! That so called speech time is over but your time to stand up and be counted is just beginning.


  20. Guillermo Perez-Santalla

    This is a great piece! It is the exact representations of every supercilious article written in the secular press about the conflicting commencement speakers at Catholic Universities. This is an excellent work of satire. Keep up the good work. Anyone who does not understand this lacks a basic fundamental understanding of the written language and of truth.


  21. Joe

    The “satire” is a satirical (and a bit of an underhanded) way of telling the truth about how undermined and usurped the Catholic Church is: The satire points to the phenomenon of Catholics who have opened up their hearts to evil. The “satire” is truth, designed to get us to laugh at the truth of how usurped The Church is, instead of thinking deeply about the implications of opening one’s heart to evil, and how so many Catholics have acquiesced to evil and to deep sin. We are being encouraged to laugh at how usurped The Church is, and directed away from contemplation of the seriousness and tragedy of our loss.
    In the “Catholic” college I attended, anyone who didn’t support abortion was considered and treated like a leper.Holy Thursday was disdained.Good Friday was disdained. Holy Communion was disdained. Everything about The Faith was mocked and disdained.
    I can read quite well,thank you very much.